I just bought a bunch of onesies and toddler clothes directly from Carter’s and the Children’s Place. They do seasonal sales and loyalty points so I actually got a better deal than on Amazon. Got the packages within 5 days each. I bought diapers from Target, they came in two days and I got a $20 giftcard as part of the deal. Next time you need something, try going directly to the brand’s website, or literally any other retailer. Amazon spams search results but they aren’t the only store on the internet.

Yep, for just about everything you get on Amazon there are alternatives. You just go to the supplier that sells the thing you need instead. Amazon hasn’t had real 2 day shipping in a long time. If you really need that “everything store” experience, Ebay, Target and Walmart all have decent online marketplaces but might as well use the smaller stores. What’s keeping you on Amazon? It sure as hell isn’t its search, and tons of sites offer free, fast shipping. I have to assume it’s habit.

I’ve been extremely impressed with the longevity and all around toughness of my Dell Precision. I think it’s gotta be 12 years old now, it weighs a ton, been dropped multiple times, and while I replaced its disk and memory at some point it has never suffered a hardware failure. The thing is a tank, I love it.

I had a therapist who specialized in working with ADHD adults and she was very good about calling me out on my “shoulds”. She would say “who told you that?” or “why do you feel that way?” or “where does that belief come from?” just about every time a “should” came out of my mouth. It was a really good practice in reframing, and making me realize I was feeling external pressures by comparing myself to others, or not giving myself the time and space I needed to accomplish the things that would satisy me. I’d encourage everyone in this thread to try getting to the bottom of your “shoulds”, it’s helped me understand and be kinder to myself.

In your situation, I would try giving him something that needs to go inside or something to share with his family. It’s harder to stay outside chatting when you’re holding something awkward. Next time he comes out, do a little polite small talk and then try offering a bowl of potato salad or some other food or dessert that’s somewhat heavy or needs to go in the fridge, and you’ll simultaneously be both a nice, kind neighbor and have an excuse to constantly nudge him to go back inside. “That’s pretty heavy, you should get that inside”, “it’s been nice chatting but you should go put that in the fridge”, “I bet your family would like to try that, do you want to see if your wife wants some?”.

Maybe he’ll go inside and then come back out again, but if it works you have an “out” that keeps things friendly. It’s worth trying at least once to see if it works.

I’m sorry to say, but sometimes there’s nothing to talk about, especially if you talk with someone every single day…

Sure but then why not watch Stranger Things with her? Or even just share memes? Invite her to play a game? There are ways to interact over long distance that don’t involve constant talking. It sounds like she’s been looking for any kind of quality time with him or interactions she’s not actively driving herself.

The concerns about his mental state and depression are valid, and worth a discussion, but it’s also not her job or responsibility to “fix” him. If he shows no interest in help or being helped then that’s on him. If he doesn’t want to talk to her about it and she ends their relationship that’s also a consequence of his inaction.

From the outside and from what you’ve said it sounds like you’ve been staying together through momentum. When I was in my 20s I was in a long term relationship with my teen sweetheart and it felt like an impossibly massive thing to break up with him. We had been together for ten years and called each other our soul mates. The relationship wasn’t working though, for a multitude of reasons, and I realized we had made it all up in our heads. It was on me to take action for the sake of my happiness. Now every time I think about it I wonder why the hell I didn’t break up with him sooner. The unknown is scary, but change is an opportunity for things to get better.

It’s normal to grow apart as you become mature people and diverge in your life paths, interests and values. It sounds to me like you’re single handedly keeping this relationship together. Why does it have to be all on you? What do you think would happen if you just didn’t initiate contact? How long do you think it would take him to act?

If he’s not invested in your relationship, why should you be?

Yes, the first one is goofy but it did the whole “what would an actually average person do with superhero powers” shtick before it was cool, and managed to make it funny and pretty sweet too.

I’ll give you that it’s been longer than I realized since the base game came out, however, Beyond Earth came out 10 years ago (2014) and Alpha Centauri was 25 years ago.

They need me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don’t think dishes and laundry are a socio-economic problem unless you’re implying all ADHD people should always be able to afford household help and assistance. Plenty of people with disabilities and challenges have to deal with chores as a function of being alive, including ADHD people. It’s a part of existence that your clothes will need washing, trash will need to be taken out, and I agree that not doing them is a bad thing. The timetable, the consequences of inaction, the associated stress, all of that can be variable and that is where flexibility should be given, but ffs ADHD people should and need to do chores too.

Processed food is usually more expensive per portion than the ingredients alone. The farther you get from the raw ingredients the more expensive it gets. Plus, you’re eating all sorts of junk ingredients.

I had about ten years of experience with a very tight food budget to learn what was good value for effort/ingredients.

Good:

Flour, sugar, canned tomatoes, spices, frozen veggies, fresh produce

Bad:

Presliced or pre-grated cheeses, at least in my experience, are marked up 1.5x to 2x the cost per pound of a block. Another commenter said that wasn’t the case in their store, but check and see if that is true for you and if the cheeses you got are available in blocks. You can even go to a place with a deli counter and they will slice cheese for you for free, and you will get exactly how much you want with less waste (yes it’s an interaction with another human, it’ll be alright).

Uncrustables/swiss rolls/mac and cheese… it’s not for me to judge what someone chooses for an indulgence, maybe those things are what get you through your day, but you can definitely do better value wise. Mac and cheese from a box is cheaper than those individual cups, and homemade mac and cheese from scratch is even better and extremely easy if you have any kitchen experience. Uncrustables will always be more expensive than just making the sandwich yourself. The swiss rolls… well you know they’re a treat. In my opinion if you’re going to treat yourself to something unhealthy spend the extra dollar and get something luxurious.

Breads and muffins, again if you could learn how to make them yourself you might be impressed with the results. Bread can be a tricky balance of time, effort and cost of ingredients, and homemade fresh baked bread is incredible, but if you’re short on time there’s nothing wrong with buying it. Muffins are a quick bread though that you could make at home in under an hour with a mixing bowl and a cupcake pan, and then you could control exactly how much sugar went into them and have hot, fresh muffins. It’s worth making them yourself at least once to see if it’s something you can add to your routine, you can get a cupcake pan for cheap from a thrift store if you don’t have one.

Sauces and dips, as other people have said, they are a lot simpler than you might think to make yourself. In my experience they are one of those things you should challenge yourself to make at least once or twice and see how much effort and time it takes you, and then re-evaluate the jarred/canned stuff. Maybe after making it you realize it is worth the extra dollar or so to save yourself the effort, but maybe you realize it’s not that hard and you’re able to save money in the long run and have more control over the quality and ingredients.

All this stuff is incremental, and any one thing isn’t going to magically fix food costs. Plus as the amount of time in your life to spend on meal prep fluctuates you might find it’s worth it to spend the extra money on convenience. However it’s important to at least get some experience with the alternatives so you understand what amount of time and effort you are buying by getting those processed foods. Good luck :)

Celestial Seasonings and PG tips are good grocery store brands with paper bags, but for loose leaf it’s worth seeing if you have a local tea shop. If there’s nowhere nearby, there’s some great online sellers. I’m a fan of Adagio and David’s tea.

I was in a relationship with someone who became an alcoholic. When he had been drinking he was emotionally and verbally abusive, extremely erratic and had wild mood swings. One moment he was sweet as honey, the next he was stabbing himself in the leg with a screwdriver telling me I was making him do it. Anyone who has had any first hand experience with alcoholics will likely be extremely sensitive to people who’ve been drinking.

Can you honestly say she never tried to dissuade you gently? For a lot of women, saying they have a boyfriend/husband is the equivalent to “thanks but no thanks” while avoiding a possible conflict or negative reaction. She might have already made those “polite efforts” without your realizing. She may have been highly aware of your morning routine and afraid of unpredictable and emotional backlash. You say you were not at your best so it sounds like you already know you might have made some social missteps. Rather than calling her a rat and directing anger at her, acknowledge and understand your own role in this. I’ve come off as an asshole to people I wanted to be friends with, and messed up and they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. Is that their fault? I try to learn from it. What jokes can’t be made or what favors can’t be asked. You say you’re sober now so it sounds like that’s a start.

You can continue existing knowing you can be better. You’re still young. You can learn from this and not repeat your mistakes. Listen to possible cues that someone is trying to end an interaction. Wait for reciprocity of engagement. Be empathetic and understanding of each person’s perspective. The best way to say sorry is to change. You changed your behavior towards that girl and so you can consider that having made your amends. You can let that go now, and start fresh with new people and new interactions.

Oof. 20-something year old me needed to read this comment .