This was a team effort.
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If I fill my ass with Helium, will my farts sound even funnier?
If you use hydrogen it sounds funny and makes a great show when lighting the fart.
You’re looking at a billion view tiktok idea here! Also, huge missed opportunity by the Jackass crew.
It will become the new Skibidi
Literally yes. Then do nitrous oxide. And then sulphur hexaflouride.
Brrrraaaappp
And -checks diagram- you will receive a Nobel price, I think.
With *solid Helium
I see. There’s a German saying for that:
Da geht dir der Arsch auf Grundeis!
this is a quantum leap in the field of dildonics
The biggest step forward since the invention of teledildonics
Dare I say the biggest step forward since sliced dildos
Wait we slicin’ them now?
I am apparently so behind…
Well he had to cut them in half to see what they’re made of, god forbid its yttrium
What’s the biggest step backwards?
Waifu pillows?
Rather a small step for microdildonics, though
You mean macrodildonics
Owe, my ass
What do you owe your ass (other than an apology)?
I thought it was just a typo on the chart, but then OP used it in a comment here as well.
It’s the title of the category!
Edit: Not anymore :(
More like pain rather than an apology.
make nickel yellow (some people are allergic) osmium will be probably covered by layer of toxic tetroxide, cadmium and tellurium are also decently toxic
e: i misremembered, but you still don’t want to be around tellurium:
Humans exposed to as little as 0.01 mg/m3 or less in air exude a foul garlic-like odor known as “tellurium breath”.[23][91] This is caused by the body converting tellurium from any oxidation state to dimethyl telluride, (CH3)2Te, a volatile compound with a pungent garlic-like smell. Volunteers given 15 mg of tellurium still had this characteristic smell on their breath eight months later. In laboratories, this odor makes it possible to discern which scientists are responsible for tellurium chemistry, and even which books they have handled in the past.[92]
selenium is a bit similar in this aspect
why is cerium yellow but other lantanides green, technetium is cheaper than you think (fission product) but it’s also radioactive
plutonium and americium, and maybe uranium also should be blue, CIA would anal probe you for less
You’re right, wikipedia prices are way outdated. Unenriched isotopes aren’t blue 'cause I’m assuming they’d let you live.
Edit: I couldn’t find the reason for that, someone just told me to make it yellow. Back to green it goes.
also make sulfur green, probably phosphorus too if not as white phosphorus
Actually I’ll make it the very first split color. Exciting.
if you’re splitting colours, expensiveness/unphysicalness of the thing is not related to actual danger, so you can indicate both things at once
For the nobel prize ones they’d all be purple with a couple red so I’m gonna avoid cluttering up the graph too much.
make nickel yellow
Not differentiated whether it’s red, yellow or white phosphorus so it defaults to the hurty one lol
I’d love to see the reasoning for each element. Most of them are obvious but I’m curious about some of them.
Are all the gasses dangerous because they’d have to be frozen to a solid? You could use them to pressurize a dildo-shaped envelope, though.
That’s great! because a surprising amount of research was done (way more than anticipated). You will learn some crazy things by studying this. All elements are in solid form at STP so for the gasses that’s in the range of -200 C. Someone suggested doing a version with liquid and gas enemas but you know? I’m just not that dedicated (yet)
My first thought was “why is nitrogen dangerous?” but I was thinking about it at room temperature or around 20C.
I know about decompression sickness (the bends) but I wouldn’t expect that to be a problem at 1 atmosphere. Then I stumbled upon isobaric counterdiffusion and I wondered if that could happen from pumping any pure gas into the rectum at atmospheric pressure, since it’d be at a higher partial pressure than any gas in the tissue.
Yeah I think gasses in the rectum have several severe issues that liquids don’t have. Mostly because liquids don’t exert pressure. Could get pretty in-depth.
Going in deep, you say
How, uh dedicated are you?
It’s for science, so someone has to do it,
Why not iodine?
I was informed by someone that elemental iodine is actually toxic when not in salt form. Could be true/false?
Here’s some interesting ones that I don’t think anyone’s asked yet so far
The two CIA ones? Only elements with an unenriched isotope that can reach critical mass (and don’t instantly disappear). You’d need only a few dildos to make a nuclear bomb. The anal probe and CIA disappearing is literal.
Borat is in this diagram
Starting with Potassium the Alkalis become basically explosive to water and get progressively more reactive. If you haven’t covered it yet this is because their valence shells get weaker the heavier you go.
Hydrogen and Helium so far basically cannot exist in solid form at STP in any appreciable amount.
IMO, I’d count plutonium in the anal probe category. Enriched or not, it’s gonna raise tons of red flags.
Buying that much uranium would probably just get your house raided by the FBI. If you told them what you were planning on doing with it, they might find it funny enough not to indict you but they probably wouldn’t let you keep it.
You goin to Guantanamo but almost certainly alive. If you knew how to make quantities of Curium and Calorfinium though… yeah you’re dead or not coming out of a cardboard box.
calcium, strontium and barium are also pretty reactive with water, and at any rate beyond hydrogen the other product (metal hydroxide) is corrosive
I cannot believe just how much time I spent looking at this … for … science.
Suggested update, Silicon is a picture of Obi-Wan saying “That’s why I’m here”
Updated
Chad behaviour
Silicon isn’t the same thing as silicone 🤣
This assumes the dildo must be solid. I think as scientists we need to think outside the box (and ass)
Indeed. So if we go with every element at STP it’s pretty boring. All the gasses just become green except flourine and there’s some minute changes. I felt this way was more interesting and would get people asking more questions.
All gasses except Flourine become green?
You must have really Chad mucus membranes to deal with Chlorine and Bromine.
It’s not called ARSEnic for nothing
Please make sure they’re flared!
Instructions unclear. Magnesium is now burning my ass.
Missing a few more "hello there"s, unless this is what floats your boat:
(Human for scale)
Damn imagine putting mercury up there. I don’t think your sphincter could hold it
If the dildo were chilled to -40°…
But then your body heat would slowly melt it and lube yourself with heavy poison
Honestly, there are worse ways to go.
Like trying to get an abortion in a red state?
Heyooo!!!
deleted by creator
Nooo, please don’t remind me of politics (Although funny comment I admit)
hey it says “in” not “up”. Just gotta lay down or maybe go inverted.
So… you’re saying it’s okay to put uranium in my ass but not oxygen ??
Let’s see your oxygen dildo 🤔
Already wearing it but you can’t see it
Uranium is fine, but oxygen is going too far, got it
Natural (unenriched) uranium isn’t especially radioactive and while there is plenty of exciting chemistry that could happen, none of it would be quite as immediately exciting as what would happen if you tried to freeze oxygen solid enough to make a dildo
Uranium will give you heavy metal poisoning worse than lead, however
I’ll add it to the potential update list. Lead used to be green and then somebody convinced me to make it yellow and yeah…
I’m learning more about the elements here in a meme comment thread than I think I did in school over a decade ago.
I actually spread misinformation there, chemical toxicity alone lead is worse, unless the uranium is somewhat enriched, you’re better off with an uranium butt plug after all
Heavy metal poisoning will kill you slowly, as opposed to the rather more immediate sensation of catching fire while getting severe frostbite
enriched uranium is also not particularly radioactive, only as a spent fuel is becomes spicy
Gamma emitters are the one thing you really don’t want in your dildo.
Silicon is not silicone, so that spot is not correct…
Unless you’re talking about using one of these fuckers:
https://www.powerwaywafer.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/silicon-crystal.jpg
