The breakthrough for me was realizing that in many cases what is happening is primarily a medical, neurological issue, not a primarily emotional issue. This means only neurologically focused solutions are properly effective.

An autistic nervous system is prone to over activation, and what a lot of people don’t know is this can cause nerve cell death through a process called excitotoxicity.

Not enough research has been done on meltdowns, but my theory is what’s really happening is excitotoxicity kicks in, nerves start dying, the body recognizes injury is occurring, and goes into a fight or flight state to try and defend against the source of the excitatory damage.

The key is to know how to deactivate the over-active nerves. And the easiest, fastest way to do that is through triggering endorphins. Endorphins will quickly switch off the nerves that are dying from being switched on too long.

Endorphins can be triggered quickly by favorite music, and vigorous exercise on the spot. Perhaps your daughter might have headphones at the ready with her favorite songs, and quick access to a jump rope or trampoline or other favorite physical game.

Btw pain also causes endorphin release, and I believe that is why so many of us self harm during meltdowns. But there are better ways to trigger the same physiological response.

In my own case I have tested this method many times by putting on loud music and lifting weights. I’ve halted meltdowns multiple times now this way.

Another option is exorphins, which come from foods that break down in the body to function similarly to endorphins.

These include chocolate, wheat products (gliadorphin), and soy products (soymirphin). When your daughter is old enough, caffeine is also in the list. I think autistic people intuitively feel the nerve calming effect of exorphins and that’s part of why we crave “beige” foods.

These things have to be tested individually per person though, because sometimes two autistic people can have complete opposite reactions to the exact same inputs.

But I’m confident if you can find endorphin triggers for your daughter, that she can learn to reach for by herself, and help her learn to recognize when her nervous system is in an over activated state, it will be hugely helpful. If you can get endorphins/exorphins taking action during that rising, rumbling phase you can often stop the meltdown, and if not you can reduce the intensity.

Also, once you understand the mechanics of what’s going on you stop feeling like you’re bad or weak person falling to be in control of your emotions. Instead you see and feel the truth, that you have a neurological disability that needs to be handled as a physiological issue, with kindness to yourself in order to preserve your own neurological health.

That would be an amazing thing for an autistic person to realize early in life, instead of carrying decades of guilt and shame. And I think it could potentially prevent a lifetime of cumulative nerve damage from compounding into chronic health issues later.

I really hope this helps, and feel free to ask me for any more information or related studies, resources etc.