What an idiot. All he had to do was call it “civil forfeiture” and he would have gotten a promotion instead of a criminal charge. If you’re already going half-evil by keeping the money, might as well go full evil by legitimizing the theft.

Also this line:

seven fake kilograms of cocaine

“haha, seven fake kilograms is only 6.5 real kilograms of cocaine!”

You have to wonder what started the investigation and just how common this kind of shit is.