We don’t even get gruel, just Krusty brand imitation gruel. 9 out of 10 orphans can’t tell the difference.

Joe Exotic?

Every breath you take

Every vote you make…

Did he blame the Jews again?

I like the way Nitup thinks.

He’d rather be on Wheel of Fortune anyway.

At least he’ll have plenty of time to spend with his wife and kids… which he doesn’t have.

Did she think it was a fresh batch of America balls?

I set my password as 12345. Nobody will think to guess that.

I did, but that’s because it came from an unknown number and I thought it was about my car’s extended warranty.

Yeah, I feel like a serious candidate for president would know how many Representatives are in the House.

No he hasn’t

No it isn’t

To be fair, with all the work she’s had done she probably does look different every time you see her.

She’s promising molasses? Shoot, sign me up.

It’s the U

One of my grandmothers never wanted to help because she died before I was born.

I wonder how low you have to score before the military doesn’t bother to recruit you, because I had to take the ASBAV in high school and I just filled in bubbles at random since I had no interest in dying in Iraq. I still got a high enough score that recruiters kept bothering me for years.

And it didn’t matter because you didn’t have the key card anyway.