Imagine opening your mouth and a turd doesn’t flop out. You might have to try really hard.

I wonder how much you’ll have to pay in order to avoid having a negative spin on yours.

Oh sorry I didn’t realize you were genuinely nuts.

I wonder what their actual goal is? Because actually posing a real, material threat to American economic hegemony results in your country experiencing regime change and people on forums a decade later arguing about whether you’re dead or in hiding with Elvis and Tupac.

We still have polling conducted on the basis of who’s going to pick up a cold call on their landline phone.

Who the fuck do you think is gonna pick a cold call up and talk to the weirdo who wants something from you at all, landline or no?

Why would we need chemtrails when we’ve already made it so that everything that’s the color red whispers to schizophrenic people on a frequency only they can hear?

Tankie detected

Before anyone objects to the this statement: do you really think somebody would just go in fronw of the international community and tell lies?

On this day, meds were not taken.

That’s really funny

One of the cornerstones of the religion they profess to follow is that followers will be beset by false prophets who try to lead the faithful into wickedness. It’s the origin of the idiom “wolf in sheep’s clothing”. Followers of Jesus are then advised that they’ll be able to tell who’s who the same way you can tell that rotten fruit means a fig tree is blighted: you will know them by their fruits. In other words, if you listen to the warning and take even the slightest notice of what Jesus tells you is the right way to live, you won’t be led astray by people who pretend to be spiritual authorities but preach things Jesus said are bad things for any human to do, such as proclaming their own righteousness, claiming to be more Godly than you, and openly seeking riches and power. Whether you believe in Christianity or not, what it comes down to is that these people are “following God” in a way they are, word for word, told not to. By God.

It’s like if you tried to start up a Anarcho-Capitalist club and then immediately set up a hierarchical power structure and began extracting dues from the members to fund a project that disproportionately benefits the poorer members. It’s like if you taught a class on healthy eating and then began extolling the benefits of swallowing batteries.

Five years from now:

Apple spokesman claims reports that eye-tracking Accessibility feature usage was sold ‘exaggerated’

A spokesman for Apple dismissed reports that the company’s eye-tracking accessibility feature—designed assist impaired users with using their device by detecting eye movements—was also tracking their interest in potentially sensitive topics and selling the data to advertising partners and law enforcement agencies, calling the allegations “grossly exaggerated” and stating “the term ‘sell’ demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of the structure of Apple’s partnership agreements as detailed in the Terms of Service”. Whistleblowers claim the software runs constantly even when not enabled, and allegedly checks reading speed and pupil dilation to gauge interest in products and services, but also in “sensitive topics”. According to data mined by researchers from the University of [Blue State], this allegedly includes topics such as race relations and white supremacy, protesting and civil disobedience, firearm ownership, industrial sabotage, anti-corporate activism, abortion, environmentalism, police brutality, and political movements. Apple declined to comment further after the conclusion of their press release.

Are we not even going to consider the possibility that his children may have had bad vibes / been unpleasant to be around??

What if language evolves to where the consensus opinion is to gatekeep silliness out of academia though? Evolution cuts both ways, English could theoretically evolve into a fully prescriptivized language like French, and that’s just as valid an evolution.

I am calling for total arthropod death

“Sixty dollars bucks”

It’s so dense. Every single frame has so many things going on in it.

Bro beefing with the rise of nation-states

N64 had native hardware AA

Sharknado isn’t fun. Being a bad movie on purpose is just cringeworthy. Bad movies are fun when they’re a serious (delusional) effort that failed miserably.