I’m in the same spot and 95% settled on moving to debian.
xubuntu has been good to me the last 10yrs. But its been about xfce, ubuntu got be part of the relationship because it was easy when i knew very little about linux. that and it can run well on a potato with a bunch of computer parts just duct taped randomly onto it. which is basically what my dumpster dived laptop was 10 yes ago.
late diagnosed millenials are like the spiderman meme. finding out most of their close social circle was neurodivergent. not hard to predict self sorting like that. who wants to exhaust themselves trying to maintian connections with people who wont understand them and often get upset at being asked to try?