<arbitration clause: if you sign up, you cannot make any claims against cRazi_man. in case we fucked up, I guess sucks for you, byeeeee>

I sincerely appreciate your response, thank you! I think it matters a lot to me that I’m not alone with this and that it will change (I’m sure it will also change for me, goddammit).

For me it definitely is an open question of integration vs. letting other people know I’m autistic. Rn only a selected number of people know, but it definitely is an unsolved problem for me if I want to be more open with this part of my identity. In the end it is a bit like what you said, that then people can also understand one better and won’t wonder ‘why is this guy behaving weirdly?’

Listening is definitely a great skill as well - I want to become a psychotherapist, so that will kinda become my source of income :) Always good to cultivate this skill though!

Actually now that I think of it, maybe I’ve neglected it a bit. Listening for me is something I claim to be able to do well, and something where I can use the autistic part of my identity well. And also that brings me to a thought. We all like and love people who can listen well and who will be there for you. I know that a few years ago, I read Carnegie’s “How to make friends and influence people” (honestly, how I didnt realize back then already that I was autistic is beyond me), but the main message of the book is that people like other people who listen. And listening to other people actually made me friends with a lot of other people. Being focused and attentive and going deep into a subject is an area I can perfectly integrate my hyper fixation and care for details, while also making the other person feel appreciated. Of course, there needs to be a fine line, but now that I think of it - I don’t feel connected going to a large party, I feel connected sitting next to a friend and listening him talking about his breakup. That’s what gives me a feeling of being part of the party, because that’s a party I choose and a party I can be damn good at.

In the last few years however it feels that I’ve neglected this a bit; it feels to me that I don’t really listen how I did earlier. I’m gonna reflect on why that’s the case, and maybe I’ll reread Carnegie. But I have the feeling that maybe, just maybe, this is connected to my feeling of feeling left out. Maybe I don’t only feel left out from the others, but also left out from myself, because I no longer practice the craft and art of listening like I did earlier.

I’ll need to reflect upon it, a lot. But thank you for the input! I sincerely appreciate it. Maybe I’ve written a lot of dumb stuff down, but at least I’ve a new thought to go with, and that’s already worth a lot. Thank you!

That’s actually a thought I had myself for a long time and on which I’d love to elaborate a bit more.

In psychotherapy (and CBT especially), there is a model where our thoughts create our feelings. Epictetus wrote two thousand years ago that “not the events make us suffer, but our judgment of them”. I think that’s an interesting approach, but I also think there are strong limitations. Some example can be obvious - like when a person is hungry, it wouldn’t be a good idea to tell a person " you’re suffering because you think you shouldn’t be hungry", but some can also be a bit less obvious. E.g. I am part of the queer community and sometimes get catcalled on the street. I could argue with myself now that I “make myself upset” about it and I create unnecessary suffering in my head, but that would to some extent shift the creator of the hurt they caused onto me. Like I would try to convince myself that part of the reason why I’m hurt is because I have the belief I shouldn’t be hurt by them catcalling me, and I think that’s a very dysfunction approach.

I think what heavily matters is how much I do suffer. If someone would catcall me and I’d grab a gun and kill the person, that would hardly be proportional. In this case, I would definitely at least to some extent have cognition’s which contribute to my suffering in a way which is avoidable.

Coming back on to the topic, what I’m interested in is where “the line” of an appropriate emotional response would be for me. I feel excluded and don’t really belong; I think that’s to some extent true, and it’s also okay that I don’t feel good about it. However, how much is appropriate? Should I just feel a bit isolated? Should I be sad now and then? Should I cry myself into bed every night?

The point for me is connected with the question how I should proceed. I absolutely feel the pressure to conform to society. But how much pressure (and suffering from not abiding) is appropriate? And is the amount of pain and sadness I feel extremely high? If yes, then I probably at least have some influence on a part of the suffering. If not, I risk trying to convince myself that I shouldn’t be sad feeling excluded and lonely, and that it isn’t that bad, etc.

Tl;dr - do I create the suffering myself or do is it a normal response of my psyche, and it would be self-hurting to convince myself that I create this suffering myself?

Thank you! Relating and understanding already helps me a lot. In the end it just means that I am not really broken, because if a lot of people relate to my feeling we can’t all be broken, yk?

Thank you a lot! I know on a rational level as right that I’m not broken, that I’m just different. My psychology knowledge also helps a lot here, because I can contextualize my personal disorder into a more “neutral” framework and know why I feel the way I do. It sucks a lot though if basically every person I know at least to some extent goes to partys and concerts and have drinks and watch series with their friends, and for me the greatest joy is to sit next to a river and read a book. This huge difference between what I like vs what a lot of my friends like is draining.

It helps me a lot to know that I’m not alone with my experiences, and that it gets better after uni + a few years of growing older. The fact that someone can relate to my feeling makes me feel less alone and somehow validated. Thank you!

I am a bit late to the party, but I still wanted to give in my impression because I didn’t see it mentioned by anyone else yet.

I think for me, it feels extremely overwhelming. I feel myself shutting down, speaking becomes basically impossible. Luckily I can still write on my phone, albeit with huge effort, so I can somehow communicate with other people. I only meltdown when I’m in a safe space, but I also remove myself when I notice it gets too much. This feeling of “it becomes too much” is difficult to describe, but it feels like an inner shaking and rumbling. A bit like a volcano. For me personally, this is an unmistakable sign that I need to get out of a situation right now. I do not know if I’m able to go beyond this rumbling sign and not meltdown, and I’m not really keen on trying so. I presume that it would probably depend on the situation, on my resources and the context.

I think the most surprising thing about it is that some very deep part of me likes the feeling of a meltdown. It is difficult to describe why, especially because a meltdown isn’t fun or relaxing in any way. For me however it feels like a huge power which I am absolutely not able to control in any way, so I can just let myself go in some sense. I don’t have to try and function anymore, nor do I have to behave in a certain way; instead I can just let myself happen. It is a very deep unity with myself and my needs. That doesn’t mean at all that I try to have meltdowns; usually after one my day is done for, I’m basically just existing, my head hurts and I feel absolutely exhausted.

In terms of communicating, I’d advise you to prepare some cards beforehand with phrases you might need (e.g. “I need a dark room”, “Please stay here”, " Could you bring me some water" etc.) Just common things you might want to say. Then you won’t have to struggle with saying or writing, but can just pick a card.

I would love to finish this comment with a reminder that the way you, I and we experience and feel the world is valid and okay. Having a meltdown and e.g. struggling to communicate during one isn’t anything we need to feel bad and ashamed about.

Seriously, I’d also recommend to unscrew the screen and screw it back together. For me it made wonders. And if this also doesn’t bring you anything, you should text support - in the end you have a warranty for a reason, right

Well, at least now I feel that Musks tweet about liberty and being oppressed and blah are even more funny than ever. He has literally the wealth to buy countries, if he would wish to.

Holy cow, they can lose 90% of their wealth and still be above 100 mil. The math checks out, but my gosh, how rich are they?!

I have to fight the urge to start a debate if trains or ships are cooler

Psychology student hère.

In short, our professor explained to us that there are two approaches as to how subconscious thoughts and emotions work. The first one is that sometimes thought processes are subconscious, but they can be “brought to light” relatively easily; this perspective has been well-validated and compatible with modern psychology. The second approach is the psychoanalytic one - that some thoughts and emotions are forcefully kept away from the consciousness in order to self-regulate. This position has been debunked and doesn’t seem to have empirical basis.

That’s why classical psychoanalysis today, where you dig deep into thoughts and feelings in order to go beyond the “defensive forces” of the mind (in German also called Abwehr), is seen as outdated.

I think you meant Lemmy.world instead of reddit.world. or have I missed part of the joke here?

I absolutely agree. Very well written, and you did an amazing job by highlighting the difference between responsibility (which is neutral) and fault (which is negative) here.

Thank you, is corrected :)

Fun fact: The nowadays conservative (and IMO right leaning) German CDU has originally considered capitalism to be the reason for outbreak for WW2. They wanted to form a new Christian Socialism, which would’ve united Christian ideals with a socialistic (not marxistic) economy. The so-called Kölner Erklärung was written in 1945 as a basic idea for where Germany should head from perspective of the CDU.

These ideas didn’t last for long and got replaced by a conservative fiscal policy. But it is good to keep in mind that even in the CDU there were people who recognized that capitalism ultimately has a strong tendency to fuel fascism. In Nazi Germany, the main capitalists worked closely with the NSDAP - Krupp, Bosch, Hugo Boss (who famously designed the Nazi uniforms), Volkswagen were all lead by rich capitalists who saw (and gained) profit by the actions of the Nazis. It makes me sad that even the SPD, the so-called Social Democratic Party, long forgot what it means to fight for socialism and equality, and instead embraces neoliberalism with a touch of social politics.

That’s it, I want to cancel my subscription of humanity

Wild. I would’ve thought it to be a MrBeast video, not a music song to be the highest upvoted one.

Are you the master of rolie-polies?

Ich habe meine Diagnose vor einem Jahr in Schwarzenberg bekommen. Es ist ein kleines Kaff tief in Sachsen, habe aber ein Jahr von Anfrage bis Diagnosestellung gebraucht. Außerdem ist es eine echt schöne Gegend zum Ausflug - falls Du noch nicht das Erzgebirge gesehen hast, ist das eine echt tolle Möglichkeit. Der Therapeut, der das anbietet, macht es auch schon seit einigen Jahren und hat es mit einem Verein kombiniert. Deshalb warme Empfehlung, da mal anzufragen!

https://move-autismus.de/

Yes, exactly - it is the idea of “well, you can gain life experience and serve for the state”. However, it is (rightfully IMO) criticized as just a cheap way of gaining labor forces. I think that German culture is generally more connected with respecting authorities, rules etc., so this attitude of " you need to return something to the community who raised you up" is still prevalent.

Since 2011 the service was not enforced anymore (but not abolished - in German it’s called “ausgesetzt”), but now there is a debate again to reintroduce it in light of the war. I personally am highly skeptical of it, for the exact reasons you outlined. A year ago I have went through the process of refusing to serve in the military in a defense case. We have something here called Kriegsdienstverweigerung: you can refuse to be drafted and serve under arms if it is incompatible with your conscience. I am glad to have went through the process, but I wouldn’t have done so if I were younger; in fact, I probably would’ve been absolutely okay with serving in the military. So instead of training people to shoot, I advocate for providing opportunities for people to learn medicine and science and stuff and leave war to professional soldiers, who aren’t 18- or 19 year old enscripted boys. It is also widely known that lots of guys cheated their way out of serving (e.g. drinking a lot the evening prior, so they make a bad impression on the recruiting officer), so the system was weird anyways. So I think the current debate is between “Russia and China are a threat, we need to get ready to fight, let’s pump up our military production” and “War is no option, our infrastructure is in a state of disrepair, we need to invest into schools and hospitals instead of arms, and drafting teenagers can’t be the solution of the problem”.