I have had good luck installing Gallium OS on a Chromebook for my daughter, so you might look at some of the Chromebook tablet/detachable keyboard options. Just make sure the model you get is supported.

Serious question: what do you not like about snaps? I find the isolation and dependency desolation to be pretty great.

I know what you meant, but now I am imagining a giant yellow dildo in each space to stop the car.