Ah, I assumed “relationship with food starts to get kind of toxic” meant a toxic relationship with the food, not the structure.

No, I don’t fast after, which is what differentiates my BED from bulimia. I’ve never felt shame from my eating specifically, it’s always been a method of self-soothing anxiety about future availability of food. I do feel shame when I’m reminded that’s not a healthy mindset around food, but the shame is complicated and partly about my economic status, not the food itself. You may not have BED, but I would recommend looking into eating disorders.

The only reason it’s getting brought up is because you said that your relationship with food can be toxic when you try to meal plan, and that’s a big indicator light that you may also have an eating disorder. Autism, ADHD, and eating disorders are very commonly found together, so it’s not like you can only have one or the other.

It’s an unfortunate stereotype that all eating disorders are anorexia, but not all of them come from a concern about weight gain/loss. I have a binge-eating disorder from growing up in poverty, and it’s given me the compulsion to stuff as much food into me as possible because I grew up not knowing when my next meal would be.

When I super focus on it (meal prep, shakes, etc), it starts to become a major point of anxiety in my life, and my relationship with food starts to get kind of toxic.

I go through the same thing whenever I try to control my binge eating, and it turns hella toxic.