I’m not who you asked, but I am also a trans person that’s not planning on bottom surgery so thought I might chime in here.
Personally, the best solution is simply: Don’t legislate anything regarding bathroom/gender. Leave the bathrooms as they are. Let people use the bathrooms that they feel fit them best, that they’re most comfortable in. And if someone attempts to sneak in and assault/harass women in the bathroom, that’s already a crime that we have laws for.
Places that want to be more friendly or progressive will generally provide gender-neutral options. To me, the presence of a gender-neutral or all-gender bathroom is a good signifier that the place of business could be considered a potentially “safe” space – the staff there are probably going to be more accepting/less tolerant of open hate or bigotry and I can afford to let my guard down a little bit.
I’ve limited my Reddit usage purely to subreddits that I can’t find a reasonable substitution for. Lemmy is small, a bit complicated to get at first, so naturally there’s going to be some communities that just aren’t going to make it here. For me really, I go back to participate in r/ChangeMyView and r/AskTransgender.
The first to help provide a voice for trans folk in the seemingly ceaseless threads about trans people, and the second (more important one) to hopefully provide advice or information to people who’re just trying to figure things out. It’s a tiny little way I can give back and hopefully help at least one person here and there, so I’m not going to give that up just because Reddit itself has shit the bed.