I fight em’
Maybe not the best course of action and certainly not politically astute but the laws on my side so fuck the bigoted pricks.
I confronted the owner of my company a few months ago about the toxic workplace and abusive behaviors he was inculcating in his company. Pointed out that xyz by abc employees can be and have been reasonably inferred to be comments, actions and disrespect due my autism. Informed him that his own statements and behaviors are putting his company in serious legal liability. There’s this law and regulation, I have contemporaneous notes and witnesses etc etc.
Make sure that you have a claim of workplace harassment or abuse due to your autism. Then lean into it. Be prepared to involve HR and legal resources. Make sure you constantly seek feedback and confirmation that you are taking the right steps. Be vocal that perhaps you are misinterpreting this persons behavior but due to your disability you would like the accommodation that it stop and it is causing xyz distress.
A big caveat to this is that I work in a small lumber mill. No union, no hr. I direct report to the owner because his org chart is fucked. Safety is a word they use but not one they understand. Especially for mental health safety. It worked because I made it clear that it would be very expensive if they didn’t stop fucking around.
I had to play things differently when I worked for Apple as they have incredibly detailed processes for dealing with this sort of dispute and specific forms of language and approach to use. I still took the opportunity for a fight when I could find my footing. Want to write me up for feeding homeless people? Off hours and out of branded clothing? Ok, let’s do this then.
When your disability is your opponents weapon of choice they have given you the shield of the law. Embrace their mistake.
It sounds like you’ve taken the right steps to document and follow your companies procedures and you should continue doing so. Playing the game is part of the fight.
Stand firm that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and so is abuse. Theres likely something in your handbook calling out ‘unwanted’ or ‘reasonably construed’. Find this and seek clarification. One of the aspects of autism that has been very difficult to navigate for myself is that behaviors most people find normal or caring I find awful, abrasive and can be abusive. There’s a give and take in the world but in the end they knowingly hired an autistic person and are legally obligated to adjust their behaviors to meet you in a consensual middle. Perhaps this person needs to moderate their behavior and you need to moderate your interpretations of their behavior but to do so you need clarity.
For the emotional end of things, don’t want to go in, what if they fire me, what if they hate me, I’m scared to be hurt…it’s all “what if I’m wrong again?” for me. But thats kind of just everyday right? It’s acute and direct and noticeable right now. It’s heightened in these situations. But is it new? Is it actually different or just a higher degree? Am I not nervous in my day to day or am I just more nervous now? I’m pretty sure people hate me most days so the honesty can be refreshing(sadlol).
But most importantly it doesn’t sound like you’re wrong again. Workplaces have clear rules and regulations for a reason. Find your ground. Cite your arguments. Prepare to be fired. You’ll figure it out and fight the next manager, just like the last time. You’ll keep fighting to make a space for people like us. Because that’s our existence in this world.
Neurotypicals are bound by choice paralysis in life. What do the neurodivergent do in life? We have no choice but to fight. Our course is set and conviction can be found. Freedom not of choice but of action. We fight as we see fit and as we can, from each and to each, but we fight. For a new day and a new world and a seat in Valhalla. No justice, no peace.
Thissus offeroede(that was overcome)
Thissus swæ mæg(so may this be)
Maybe tws earbuds with transparency mode? I’ve found it helps me hear voices more clearly and it allows for adjustable volume.