It seems to me like you’re a bit overwhelmed by your troubles, so the first thing I’d recommend (if you’re not already doing it) is therapy: it can help you figure out what you really want and why you don’t have it. Outside of that you probably shouldn’t be putting so much pressure on yourself, there’s no template that your life needs to fit in, you can just take your time and figure it out; it’s good that you want to better yourself, but you should also cut yourself some slack.
I mean, this is not really a solution. Poachers don’t do what they do because they’re greedy and hate animals, they do it because they’re poor and have often no other choice but to risk their lives to make a living, and they are probably getting something like 10$ per rhino horn. This is a systematic problem perpetually reinforced by the actual people we should be shooting: the millionaires who hire the poachers. They are the ones destroying the environment, exploiting animals and people and reselling those same rhino horns for ridiculous amounts of money on the black market.