I am married and have a couple young kids. Recently late diagnosed at 31 years.
Surprise! Turns out the loud noises and random chaos that comes with kids sometimes leads me to a meltdown.
Usually, I can feel it coming on and go “hide” for 5 minutes in a dark room to reset myself and go back to being a helpful parent. Wife is very understanding and supportive.
The problem comes when we are out in public. I’m not always with my wife. Last week I took the kids on an outing, and wife was taking the opportunity to shop (fortunately nearby, but out of sight or earshot) while I played with the kids. One thing led to another and I pretty quickly found myself melting down with no way to stop it, and became basically paralyzed and barely able to keep the kids from getting lost, much less destroying everything in the store.
Luckily my wife answered her phone and was close enough to come help (about 15 minutes because she was in line to buy things), but with my kids I couldn’t just abandon them and go “hide”. But it took me a good hour to come back to reality without any good hiding place to reset myself.
I know this is a potentially dangerous situation for my kids, and quite unfair for my wife to have to come save me all the time, but unavoidable sometimes. Any tips to prevent/delay a meltdown in critical situations like this? I can’t use earbuds in this case like I usually would because I need to be able to hear my kids.
Edit: I had no idea I might be on the spectrum until after having kids. I suspect growing up in a very mellow family and then living mostly alone afterward isolated me enough from triggering situations and social interactions in general I just didn’t connect the dots.
I’m a few years past the situation you find yourself in. You should have a talk with your kids and explain your sensory issues. They can probably be more accommodating than you think if they know what’s going on with you. You don’t have to be super man to be a great dad, and the only thing hiding your issues will do for them is make them ashamed about their own when they develop. And everyone developes some issues at some point. That’s about all I can say for the in the moment issue.
Except… have you stopped caffeine? Are you getting enough sleep, or at least high quality sleep? Do you have unaddressed allergies? Do you eat food that doesn’t agree with you? Are you getting regular bereif but intense exercise to burn off stress hormones? Sock seams that bug you, but only when you’re in a bad mood? My point is the more stressors you can remove, the more you’ll be able to take without it being a problem.
Think of it like a bucket you’re carrying around. All the irritations pour in some water, and you probably don’t notice until it’s just about full. Then it sloshes out and you have a problem. The good news is your bucket is probably way bigger than you thought, but you have to empty out the things you can control so you can accommodate the things you can’t.
And your kids will get older and easier to deal with, and you’ll continue to get better at parenting, and it’ll all be way easier. I know how overwhelming it can feel, but you can almost definitely get some improvement in the short term by meeting your own needs better, and in the long term it will tend to get better on its own.