A month ago I found out that my (30’s ftm) live-in boyfriend of 3 years (30’s m) was sexting with various guys and making plans to meet up. We fought, made up, and got into therapy. Things are slowly healing.
Today I found out that an old friend of his that he used to sext with before our relationship still sends him nudes regularly on snapchat. I found out because my bf had saved a bunch of them. My bf says that he never responds to them and so he didn’t think it was an issue. I disagree - If anyone I knew irl ever sent me nudes I would immediately delete it, ask them not to send more, and tell my bf about it.
My question is, was his lack of action yet another instance of cheating?
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I’m not sure if cheating is the right word but it doesn’t need to be defined behavior to be fucked up. It’s not okay. I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship but from my personal perspective, I’ve been married 16 years, neither of us would ever allow this to happen without setting a boundary. It’s just disrespectful to your partner to let it go on. Plus it becomes a red flag as to what else they’re letting go on. If you’re in a committed relationship you deserve the respect that goes along with that.
I’m with you. There are some things in life that are just obvious without having to be told. You don’t go around punching workmates in the face and they don’t specifically have to put that in the onboarding. You don’t walk around a kid’s playground with no pants. You don’t continue to accept nudes from other people after you start a relationship.
I think many or most monogamous people would consider this to be a form of infidelity without having to explicitly define boundaries.
All he had to say was “Hey, I’m in a relationship now, we can’t keep doing this” and that would have ended the whole thing. Your boyfriend, however, enjoys the attention that he recieves from these people and decided to continue regardless of your relationship. Despite any rationalization he may give you about it, he knew all of that information and made the conscious decision to keep going.
