Hello!
My boyfriend (21) and I (21) have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. Due to a 3 hour distance we see each other once a week. We have been having issues for a couple of months because he got severely depressed and is very distant towards me. I try to support him as much as i can, even though it‘s hard sometimes. Especially yesterday because it was my birthday and he didn‘t want to meet up due to his mental state. He also didn‘t talk to me all day and I always put in a lot of effort for his birthday (even though he rejected everything i planned this year because of his depression).
Anyways, i had an ex when i was 16-17, who was also my best friend and my neighbor. We started dating and he started doing heavy drugs. He was an alcoholic and an addict. He was in hospital 3 times for overdosing and due to all this he was also emotionally abusive. I carry a lot of trauma from that relationship, so my opinion of drugs (doesn‘t matter if it‘s weed or cocaine) is extremely not good. I hate it.
I told my boyfriend about this when we started dating and he agreed. A few months ago he went to the Netherlands and tried weed and mushrooms. It bothered me a lot so I told him that I thought i made myself clear. He said he only tried it for fun and won‘t do it again.
Yesterday he confessed to me that he was taking lsd and mushrooms when he goes to work because he hates work so much and he also, a week ago, tried meth (since then he hasn‘t been able to eat or sleep and he told me that it‘s because of his depression) I was flabbergasted of course. Just a week ago we talked about how taking drugs is stupid if it‘s not for medical reasons (and even that was a compromise from my side). He agreed with me (while doing drugs daily) AND THEN THE NEXT DAY tried meth.
He had never done any of these things before and did them knowing how i feel about it and did it without considering my feelings. I feel betrayed because he lied to me for 2 months.
At first he tried to blame me for my reaction "that‘s why i can‘t tell u things like this“ and "you don‘t understand how i feel“. He said that it‘s easy to judge from the outside but i don‘t understand? i always consider him when i do things. I would never do things i know he doesnt like for fun.
I would maybe have understood a little bit if he was doing it before we got together but he wasn‘t. He decided to do it and lie to me and now he‘s telling me that he hates sober life.
I am very lonely and i don‘t have anyone but him so I am laying in bed now thinking about what i should do. I know i should break up but i need someone to tell me if this is fucked up or if i am just overreacting because i don‘t have anyone to confide in right now.
I’m not subbed to this thread and stumbled onto it on c/all. I remember threads like these on R*ddit and the responses seem similar: “just leave”. I don’t see how that’s helping. I understand your pain. And what he did is incredibly severe. I really hope he sees his mistake. If he does and apologises I think you can offer him help. Take him to seek professional attention and by the sounds of it a new job. It might help to share with him the severity and the repercussions if things don’t improve. Don’t get me wrong, he crossed a line. But if you’re willing to fight for him and your relationship I believe these steps might help. Be careful and tighten your boundaries.
How exactly does she do that from three hours away? OP has no control or knowledge what he does 6 days of the week. That’s just not realistic or possible, there is no framework for trust here.
He needs to do those things for himself. It’s not OPs responsibility to try and fix him, nor is it even possible in this situation. They need to protect themselves more far more than they needs to hope a depressed BF is hiding a relapse hours away.